Most people would agree that losing a child is far worse than losing a spouse. This may be, it depends on many related factors. The point is that losing anybody to death is a cataclysmic emotional ordeal, and losing a child, because of their youth and innocence is an especially tragic situation. Parents run through a range of feelings from shame to unhappiness and despair. It is an especially sensitive situation, and the sympathy messages that you send them can make an impact for good, if you give what you're saying some consideration and speak from the heart.
This is a tall order. Saying "I'm very sorry for your loss" doesn't seem like it's enough, but often no more is foreseeable, and better to say something but not too much. Oftentimes no words need to be expressed at all, a warm handshake or a heartfelt hug can speak mounds. It can be however, an adroit or uncomfortable situation, and rather than accidentally saying something that can be malicious, there are basic formalities that you can follow.
Things You May Say in your Sympathy Message
One reason that it is so hard to speak about the death of a child is that you don't want to remind the family of their loss. Don't be afraid of this, they are well aware of the death of their child, and more often than not are desirous for the consolation of kind words. As long as you are offering sincere sympathy messages, your effort will be helpful, usually the parents are aware that it is a difficult subject for people to bring up.
The easy thing to say is; "I'm so sorry". Accompanied by a hug or an earnest meeting of the eyes, this simple act can convey the deepest of sympathies. You may mention the child's name, in fact it is recommended. The infant was a person, with an unique person, and their parents loved them very much. Treating the child's name like it's taboo can cause hurt and consternation.
Rather than ask the parents if they would like help, offer specific aid to them. If there are siblings of the deceased child, offering to take care of them during their time of grief or while they are organising the funeral can take an gigantic load off of them. Most of all, if the family choose to talk of their loss, listen attentively and sensitively. There is no need to offer voluntary advice, but don't shy away from letting them know it is okay to feel the way they do.
What You Shouldn't Say in a Sympathy Message
Because of the emotional and confusing nature of the occasion, people sometimes say things that shouldn't be said. A popular mistake people make is to tell the parents, "It's not too late to start thinking about having another childe". A statement such as this can go right to the heart of a bereaved parent. They are most likely feeling accountable for their child's death, and don't feel worthy of having another child. "I should have been there" or "I could've done more" are instinctive reactions to the death of a child. Whatever the case, that decision is very personal, and shouldn't be suggested under any situation.
Another thing you should never say, in any instance of a death is "I know how you feel". Even if you yourself have lost a child, their relationship with their child was distinct, he or she was a different person, and so are they. Saying this ignores their feelings and can cause deep suffering and even resentment. Remember, these are difficult times, and the wrong sympathy message said at the wrong time can cause untold damage to the person, and your relationship with them.
Author Resource:-
Suzie Kolber recommends ObituariesHelp.org for sympathy messages, free condolence letters, guides to building a family tree, sample notes of sympathy and condolence, written examples of eulogies as well as help with all aspects of funeral planning.
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